Soapbox

Weary_Head My PARANOIAS
Usually Quotes from the papers or my personal opinions

Our Caring Sharing Government
Hundreds of illegal immigrants who took the governments bribe of £3000 of taxpayers money to go home have sneaked back into Britain. Two thirds of the ones caught are being allowed to stay. 8000 failed asylum seekers have opted to advantage of these free handouts which at the moment are costing us mugs £9.5 million a year. At the moment it seems the cost of enforced removal of one person appears to average £11,500 and rising.

The other scam "Health Tourists from outside the EU " have had £50 million pounds worth of treatment on the NHS last year” and a third of that money is still outstanding. Not surprising then that the NHS needs to take the houses and possessions of our elderly to pay for their care, and that Secretary of State for Health, Patricia Hewitt, was "to busy" to speak to anyone about the pensioners issues

Q: How can you tell when a politician is lying?
A: Check if his lips are moving.

The Bus Crash
A bus full of MP’s was driving by a farm in Yorkshire when the driver lost control and crashed into a ditch. A local farmer came across the scene of the accident, found the MP’s and buried them.

The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man. One officer looks at all the graves and says, "So they were all dead when you found them?" and the farmer answered :
"Well, some claimed they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."

M.O.D. Ministry Of Denial.
Suggestions that our troops in Iraq & Afghanistan are suffering unnecessary casualties due to having to patrol in unsuitable vehicles have been strongly denied by the MoD. It is strongly hinted thought that they are near to doing a deal with the Rolls Royce Museum and the situation will soon be improved by the purchase of a some Armoured Cars. These will be shipped over as soon as there is money available from the National Lottery to pay for tax & insurance.

We are also in final negotiations with the Royal Armouries in Leeds for the loan of items of body armour and as soon as details related to hire charges and the possibility of a hire purchase agreement have been finalised these will be shipped out also. It is hoped that this will alleviate the need for troops to share the issued body armour now available. A spokesman for the Department said “ We are working very hard together with the government to protect our forces and give them the equipment they need.

Negotiations are taking place with the aim to secure a “MARSHAL LEASE-LEND PLAN” with the American Government so that their forces can supply our troops with ammunition when they have used up their daily allowance. This will also cover instances where the supplied ammunition is faulty or just won’t quite fit their guns. Once this agreement has been reached our troops can be confident they can fight back without having to use their credit cards. However it will still be necessary for the troops to return empty cartridge cases or misfired rounds to the Quartermasters stores for replacement of rounds issued unless there are mitigating circumstances ( i.e. they have been shot) . In such circumstances a written account of ammunition expenditure should be submitted as soon as the MO certifies fitness for duty. In the case of OR’s no exception is to this regulation will be excepted other than proof that they have died.

WHITEHALL’S TAXI FARES ONLY COST JUST £15,000 A DAY

Civil servants rack up £15,000 a day on taxi fares, Figures released by government departments reveal an astonishing £3.8million was spent on cabs in one year alone. The worst offender last year was the crisis-hit Home Office, whose officials were responsible for almost a quarter of all cash spent on taxi fares. Its £806,000 bill would put 35 more police constables on the streets for a year, at an average salary of £22,770. I
Or it could send Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott on a cab journey around the world - 17 times. ( Oh Yes Please)

The Department of Work and Pensions, which lost £2.7billion last year in benefit fraud and error, was the next worst. It spent £716,000 in the first nine months of 2006 on taxis - the equivalent of £200 winter fuel allowance payments for 3,580 pensioners. The Department of International Development could immunise 26,000 children in Third World countries against preventable diseases with the £526,068 its staff spent on taxis. The Department of Health's £355,976 bill, would pay for 23,700 GP consultations or 54,765 prescriptions and 4,800 passports could be paid for with the £320,000 taxi bill of the Foreign Office.

DO YOU THINK MP's HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ADDRESSED AS HONOURABLE ? I THINK NOT.

Ministers have indicated that they will now back a new law to exempt themselves from the FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT. This law would prevent you TAXPAYERS from knowing details of their lavish £120,000-a-year expenses plus their exaggerated mileage claims plus their London Housing Allowances of upwards of £20,000. Matthew Elliott, In a letter to Sir Philip he called for a "wholesale review of the system of travel allowances for MPs to ensure that such large bills are not a continuing feature of the system".

One of the politicians whose claims Mr Elliott has asked Sir Philip to examine is the former Labour minister Janet Anderson, who claimed £16,612 in mileage allowances last year. Over the past five years Ms Anderson has claimed almost £16,612 in mileage for official business - equivalent to driving 285,000 miles, or more than the distance to the Moon. Last year alone she claims to have driven more than 60,000 miles, At 50 mph, she would have had to spend three and a half hours driving to and from official constituency business on every single day of last year. Ms Anderson, who also claimed £21,362 last year for running a London home. She did not return calls about her expenses.

Other MPs identified by Mr Elliott include the Tory Jacque Lait, who claimed for driving more than 20,000 miles despite the fact her Beckenham constituency is just 12 miles from Westminster. Labour Left-winger Diane Abbott who claimed £2,335 in taxi fares from her Hackney constituency in inner London. The figures also proved embarrassing for ministers who have been urging the public to abandon their cars to save the planet Minister Ian Pearson, who enjoys the use of a ministerial car for official business, still managed to claim £4,814 in Mileage last year for constituency work, equivalent to driving 13,000 miles despite a direct train service between London and his Dudley constituency in the West Midlands Mr Pearson claimed just £280 in rail fares Junior Environment Minister Barry Gardener who also has a ministerial car claimed £4,213 in spite of excellent public transport between Westminster and his Brent North constituency a few miles away Mr Gardiner made no claims for bus, or Tube tickets. MP's can usually only claim allowances for driving between Westminster and their constituency homes and for driving around constituencies on official business Few checks are made on mileage claims and they do not have to provide evidence such as petrol receipts, as any normal company giving out such perks would require.
Do you think Mr Elliott will get satisfaction. Can Pigs Fly ?

HOW THESE LEADERS OF OUR ONCE GREAT NATION LOOK AFTER SERVICE PERSONNEL

An Ambulance Driver Nick Horobin who lost an eye and his job, suffered a nine hour operation to have 18 metal plates inserted in his face and is permanently scarred for life after an attack on his ambulance by one of the uncaught scum that now infest our streets, was offered £40,000 compensation. LESS THAN MOST MP’s Claim in yearly expenses.
Peter Sutcliff CHILD MURDERER who lost an eye in a prison brawl RECEIVED £ 196,000

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Willl Rogers

Grannie Do All fairy tales begin with "Once Upon A Time"
" No love. There is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with
"If Elected I Promise"

Britain has invented a new missile.
It's called the civil servant,
it doesn't work and it can't be fired.

Department For Work & Pensions.

Has paid out more than £50 million pounds of your money over the last 5 years to people who have suffered through rude & incompetent staff. The Child Support Agency was the worst performer, responsible for more than half the £50 million total.

Never believe anything a politician says until it's been officially denied .

What do you think of the slogan “HMRC Ambition” to boost the moral of the ailing HM Revenue & Customs department that had just lost the personal details of 25 million families. Surly a worthwhile use of our money. It only took 450 of their finest brains and 9.000 hours to devise and develop . It was a bargain at £1.5 million. Unfortunately it does not seem to have had the required effect as it has been dropped after a year and replaced with a new one “HMRC: The VISION.”

ANYONE WANT TO VISUALISE WHAT THEIR AMBITION WILL BE THIS YEAR?

Why do the Brits always moan when they lose their job and houses and things, they should grin and bear it just like Mandelson, that fine example of our stupid parliamentary system. Twice thrown out of his job but he bravely soldiered on with a richly paid none job in the EU before graciously accepting a peerage and once more putting his all on line just for the sake of er! well I'm not certain really, for his sake I suppose. He doesn’t let little things like the country being bankrupt get him down he just keeps on smiling. Even when he had to decide that he didn’t like the £20,000 redecoration of his office, he just knuckled down and spent a further £57,000 getting just right, that’s what I call dedication to the job. He is also thrifty his, department only spent £391,000 last year sprucing up offices for himself and his staff. A fine example to all us winging serfs.

God must love stupid people, he made so many. anon
Unfortunately he put them all in the Civil Service. Weary

Instructions From The Speaker Of The House
Due to the need for compliance with the Freedom Of Information Act and as the following definitions no longer have relevance,
they will be replaced in all communications that might be open to public scrutiny as follows.

Right Honourable - (bringing or worthy of honour) - to be replaced by Crooked or Greedy.
Morals - (standards of behaviour or principles right or wrong) - to be replaced by the word Amoral or Rules
Expenses - (costs incurred in the performance of job or tasks) - To be replaced by Back Handers
Allowances - ( money that can be earned or received tax free) should be replaced by the less controversial term "Perks Of The Job"
Sorry - feeling of regret or penitence - This is a word which is very uncomfortable and hard to pronounce by members of all parties
it should not be used at any time, or in any circumstance. Use of this foreign word might imply that we Care

Ever wondered where your money goes. ?

Hazel-Blears_1 Well I knew that the electorate of Salford could never be parted from Gordon as they seem to be joined at the hip but never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would let the Cheshire Cat back into the story. However they did, I was wrong, they fiddled the boundaries again and boat can carry on rocking. As I read on the web today. In Salford you can take the p**s out of people
you represent and the idiots will still back you.

In March, 2004, Miss Blears stated that her second home was the property she owned in her Salford constituency. During that month she bought an £850 television set and video recorder, and a £651 mattress. Her mortgage on the Salford property, which she has owned with her husband since June, 1997, was £300 a month. The following month she changed her declaration and began claiming that a flat in Kennington, south London, was her second home. She started claiming £850 a month for the mortgage on the flat. In August, 2004, she sold the flat for £200,000, making a profit of £45,000. The buyer was Baroness Henig, a former Labour MP from Lancashire. Baroness Henig was also the chairman of the Association of Police Authorities and Miss Blears was the Home Office minister responsible for police reform at the time. There is no suggestion of impropriety.

After selling the south London flat, Miss Blears stayed at hotels in London during September and October, 2004, at taxpayers’ expense. She spent two nights at the Zetter hotel in Clerkenwell, where rooms cost £211 a night. It had just been voted one of the world’s “50 coolest hotels” by Condé Nast and the Frommers guidebook said of the Zetter: “Heaven will be a let-down after this.” In December, 2004, the minister bought another London flat for £300,000. The monthly mortgage was more than £1,000 and Miss Blears initially claimed the maximum £400 a month for groceries. During the next four months, Miss Blears spent £4,874 on furniture, £899 on a new bed and £913 on a new TV — the second funded by the taxpayer in less than a year. In 2004-05, the minister spent just £94 less than the then maximum permitted allowance of £20,902. The expense claims continued during the 2005-06 financial year. In March 2006, in the run-up to the deadline for claims, Miss Blears spent £668 on bed linen and curtains, £439 on crockery and kitchen equipment and more than £200 on bath towels. During the past two financial years she has claimed the maximum allowable under to the pound.
The voters of SALFORD have got the MP they deserve

Now the Corrupt, Brainless and Incompetent government that has spent all our money buying it’s votes over the last ten years, has finally been prised from office kicking and screaming. Maybe once more Great Britain can recover from this self imposed disaster. Now we know the true cost of their ten years of vote purchasing it remains to be seen if the next lot can pull us out of the hole we are in. At least lets hope they have enough brains between them to STOP DIGGING

This Change have meant that for the time being most of the grumps that keep us Grumpy Old Men going will be in very short supply untill the old habits kick in again in the infamous “ House Of Ill Repute “ on the banks of Old father Thames.

So I have decide to turn my wise and unbiased attention from that, to our nation sport, “ Watching tripe on TV ”

The Opinions on this page , are strictly Mine and not necessarily the views of the rest of the family.

War doesn't determine who is right.
War determines who is left."

The UNITED STATES OF EUROPE
”Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here”.

An attempt that the Red Ensign flown on British Ships should be replaced by the Euro Rag, has failed for the time being. I respectfully submit my design for a new EURO FLAG. To be stuck up wherever they wish to stick it The further the better

Due to the cash flow problems of our once great nation it is only right and proper that the British people once again summon up the Dunkirk spirit to protect our country from the idiotic politicians, Thieving Bankers and our own greed. Lets all give up our jobs, prospects, savings. pensions and 192 quangos and Pull together with true British Courage to make sure that our gallant Euro Masters do not have to suffer the humiliation of a reduced life style. They struggle on so heroically asking for so little:

Just 13% increase in next years European Space Project. An 85% increase in the Entertainment Budget
A trivial £551,000 rise in funding for the private company that arranges MEPs travel. This travel agency will have to manage on just over £1.7 million subsidy next year to ensure the politicians and their families fully enjoy their holidays. Only £26.4 Million has been pledged for the Euroscola programme which allows MEPs to pay people to visit them. Just a petty £8 million grant for MEPs Euro web channel.
The cost of the 47 Euro quangos has tripled over the last 5 years and tops £2.1 BILLION but It is only intended to create 5 more quangos and increase costs by 8%. Britons only pay £840 Million.

The EU BUDGET WILL ONLY RISE TO £114 BILLION next year and the British contribution is only £48 Million A DAY

The little man, Neil Kinnock - ( Yes that’s right the the man who led his political party to defeat and the one who spent many of the last few years heading a very well paid Quango, devoted to making certain that no one takes any responsibility for the shambolic mess of the EU Gravy Train .
He has now passed his opinion of the people, like me, who would wish to retain our British heritage and stuff the EU constitution
It appears we are Introverted, Nationalistic, Antediluvian Gits.
And here’s me thinking we were just people who disliked freeloaders like him.

EU FRAUD Was at £3.5 BILLION In 2004 Auditors will fail to approve the E U's accounts for the 11th successive year because of fraud and mismanagement bleeding billions from budgets. The Court of Auditors will refuse to sign off the 2004 accounts or offer a "statement of assurance" to the EU Parliament Conservative MEP Chris Heaton Harris said an estimated £3.5 billion was "lost" each year, equal to Britain’s annual contribution. " Gordon Brown just signs the cheque each year he should be banging his fist on the table and demanding to know where all this money is going," he said. The Chancellor told finance ministers that every member state should "play its part in putting this problem right" and called for the Court of Auditors to help "fill in the gaps in the current system" In March 1999 Neil Kinnock was among the 20 commissioners who resigned under accusations of incompetence at the least. He returned the same year with the job of putting things right, promising to root out fraud and incompetence. Former commission chief accountant Marta Andreasan was suspended in May 2002 after she complained that the EU budget was open to fraud and abuse. Mr Kinnock said she was suspended not for whistle-blowing, but for failing to follow the EU's whistle-blowing procedures. (In other words not keeping the gross incompetence existing in this pathetic organisation secret) .

In 2007 £43.4 BILLION of TAXPAYERS MONEY is at risk of fraud. As far as I can ascertain at the end of 2007 nothing has changed other than that the amount of fraud, cheating , waste and lying has increased along with expectations. The EU has now been trading illegally for the 13th successive year, it has still not been declared Bankrupt and put into the receiver’s hands and the directors, executives, accountants and MEPs are still at large to ride the gravy train.

The rumour that the bridge that cannot be used because there is no access road on one end has cost £5,000,000 is definitely not true however. IT HAS ONLY COST £2.000,000 Weary

ANY CRIMINALS WANT A GOOD JOB - Apply now care of
THE EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT ?

You can’t vote to alter the the illegal constitutional quango that is the European Parliament and remove the idiots in charge of the madhouse. Now we find out they can order us to change our laws to allow Our Criminals To vote on who sits in the British Nuttery. We can surely understand why they want to keep it in the family and continue the remorseless spread of the Euro Mafia when we read that:

British MEP ASHLEY MOTE sentenced to 9 Months in Jail for 21 counts of fraud totalling more than £65,000 has been released under the government’s tagging scheme after serving less than 3 months of his lenient sentence. Because his sentence was less than a year he will continue to draw his full MEP salary of £ 60,675 and at least half of his £34,000 general expenses and all of his £136,000 for secretarial assistance. Due to his criminal conviction he is now unable to attend to his place of work so he is laughing all the way to the bank, Yes it is correct he
CAN KEEP HIS SEAT IN THE EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT EVEN THOUGH HE CAN’T ATTEND.

                        Just A few extras we put in the MEPs’ EU Perks Trough

Thermal bathes Attendance Allowance £14 for 21 days per year = £294 Hearing Aid Allowance + free Batteries = £636 per year Two pairs Orthopaedic Foot ware and soles = £496 per year 60 sessions per year of medical, Gymnastics, Traction Mud Bathes, Hydro Massage and Hydrotherapy for selves and any family members. Total cost not revealed. 60 sessions per year of Electrotherapy, + 30 sessions of “Aerosol & Beam Therapy. Total cost not revealed. £80 % off the cost of 3 weeks "Thermal Cure" at a Spa Total cost not revealed. 30 Acupuncture sessions per year, huge sums for dental treatment ( including Free false teeth). Total cost not revealed. MEPs’ spouses, children and staff are also entitled to up to £375 for spectacle Lenses and £44 for frames. per year. Up to £102 for Contact Lenses and up to £103 for disposables. per year.   Total cost not revealed.
These Obscene medical expenses come on top of Pay, Gold Plated Pensions and other expenses. and Britain has 78 of these free loaders estimated to cost tax payers 2.4 million a year. On top of salary they can claim a " daily subsistence allowance of (£185 A DAY ).(£66,612 Per year)
Travel costs up to "2,575 per year to and fro from the parliament. MPs have access to official cars and chauffeurs ( although it is customary for these poor people to tip ). £36 per week Taxi Allowance ( £1832 ) per year. They can also spend £3,445 on language courses   ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD ?.

All this in an organisation that is trading illegally and giving no true accounts of their business. It do ones heart good to know that with our hard earned taxes we are contributing to health and welfare of this unfortunate group of people, who, they keep telling us are giving up so much to devote there lives to the good of the British Nation. It makes my eyes ( and Stomach ) fill up.     Weary

British Justice

Where the Hell as it gone
I Don’t Understand?
It was once something to be proud of.

YOU TOO CAN BE A JUDGE.
Anyone wishing to comment on our once proud legal system please do so? But remember !
You Must Not be too hard on our criminals. They are a protected specie, Victim’s are ten-a-penny.

I can’t help feeling that something is missing from the British legal system. It doesn’t seem to have very much deterrent nowadays. Perhaps the old ways were best, At least they would have prevented some of the victims from suffering.

Some might say that the inclusion of the above pictures suggest that I might be in favour of A Return To Capitol Punishment.
I strongly resent the inclusion of the word “might”. Weary

Double murderer IAN HUNTLY is to seek over £115,000 in compensation for injuries justifiably obtained in prison. Unfortunately he is still around to milk our totally out-of-control system and will, most likely, get it due to.
The parasitical lawyers we now breed, who will be gathering like vultures round the legal aid £1,000,000.
The parents of the slaughtered school girls got £11,000 from the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority.
I suppose they are lucky because a Victims Injuries Compensation Authority doesn’t seem to exist

YOU TOO CAN BE A JUDGE.
Anyone wishing to comment on our once proud legal system please do so? But remember ! You Must Not be too hard on our criminals. They are a protected specie, Victim’s are ten-a-penny.

A woman driving instructor was attacked by three youths (COWARDS) who smashed in through a rear window punched her several times in the face braking her nose then stole her laptop. In court one who had been definitely identified left grinning which is the usual happy condition of our criminals now. Once again with the help of one of our incompetent judges a victim failed to obtain justice. Incredibly the excuse given by judge Jamie Taber for this stupid decision was that
“THE VICTIM WAS TOO BELIEVABLE” As she was honest, decent and brave it could have swayed the jury unfairly and the perpetrator might have been found guilty.
The Police, MP’s and everyone else are baffled
by the decisions of these judicial idiots.

Pedophile arrested and accused of raping a nine year old child. First month Out on bail , Second month re-arrested, Out on bail again while waiting for trial, third month Out on bail again while being tried. Warned in court that he would be facing stiff sentence and told to come back, when convenient to the court, to receive punishment. SURPRISE, SURPRISE this pervert actually turns out not to be trustworthy and does a runner. Police now have to beg help from members of the public to try to catch this criminal and the child victim still lives in constant fear. The Judge one assumes sleeps soundly at night,
( What a pity, anyone know how to get rid of incompetent Judges )

A thug, who had a string of previous convictions, subjected his girl friend to an 18 hour beating with fists, head butting , a knife, a hammer, a vacuum cleaner , a table leg, belt buckles and a phone which left her badly injured and vomiting blood. He also pushed her head into a microwave and tried to turn it on. The girl escaped later and got to hospital with blood trickling from her ear, where the police were called. A police sergeant said “ In my 18 years on the force it’s the worst assault I have seen.

Judge Adrian Lion sentenced him to JAIL FOR LIFE
He recommended that he serve at least FOUR YEARS THREE MONTHS.

A Judge's LOGIC
Case: A nineteen year old trainee teacher tries to procure a nine year old girl on the net, goes out to meet her with a gun. Due to good work by American & British police he is caught and found to have leg shackles, a knife and a cosh at his home. The Judge called for ”An urgent review of the law which sets the maximum sentence.”

Maximum sentence now for this offence TWO YEARS The sentence imposed by the same judge: 18 MONTHS

LOGIC : you work it out I can’t: To all of you who worry about the rights of criminals, rest easy. This “Man” ? will only have to serve 8 months and will not be put on that embarrassing Sex Offenders Register. Presumably, later, he can go back to his day job in the classroom.

From the Long Long list of inexplicable judgements

London 2007 - Spending your money wisely -A senior judge involved in a love-triangle blackmail case has been paid nearly £50,000 since a formal investigation was launched into his behaviour, it has emerged. Judge Mohammed Flyas khan has been picking up his £8,240 a month salary since he was asked not to sit in court last September. ( HOW’S THAT FOR A JOHN PRESCOT JOB ?) At the same time A woman judge, known only as J, is also being investigated, but has retired on a medical pension. The sensational blackmail trial involved their former cleaner, Brazilian Roselane driza and the revelation that the judges had both been employing her illegally. Driza faces a retrial for blackmail at the Old Bailey.

A Judge who quite rightly describes a Notorious and Very Wealthy, con man as Cunning, Manipulative and above all Arrogant with utter disregard for his victims and also quite rightly sentences him to nine months. THEN ! he reduces his sentence by two thirds because he says he’s sorry for his contempt of court.
Contempt of Court Now that’s a really, really, really, serious offence. I feel certain that this crooks victims will agree it is much more serious than their loss of hard earned money. I think it can be a disease though, because I suffer from it every time I read about another inexplicable judgment

A Shining Example of Modern British Justice.

An English woman married to a foreign husband, she has two kids, one born here and one born abroad. The family complied with emigration laws so the husband could reside here.
The Crime : The husband used the wrong form to apply for residency
The Penalty : Family to be split and father an one child to be deported. Eighteen month old child to be sent threatening letter to ensure no further transgression

I assume that it is the man’s own fault for the following reasons:

1. He comes from a country who has always staunchly supported Britain and sent people to die for our causes. i.e. New Zealand.
2. He hasn’t claimed Asylum.
3. He didn’t arrive in the back of a lorry.
4. He his not a member of a criminal gang.
5. He is not an itinerant.
6. He is not a benefit cheat.
7. He believes in Marriage.
8. He probably doesn’t vote Labour

In view of all these things that now prejudice your case if you go up against against the interpretation of our judicial and political systems. Is it any wonder the family is to be punished, if we let this sort of thing go on we will risk the possibility that we will revert back to that old fashioned British system of Justice, Common Sense, Compassion & Fair Play.

Suggestion for Improving The System

As there are now so many totally INCOMPETENT JUDGES who are paid handsomely by the British taxpayers for their so called legal expertise. There are also so many cases of convicted criminals getting off Scot Free because of technical errors by these “experts at law”. Would it not be simpler, and cheaper, to have a standard sentence after being found GUILTY of any serious offence. i.e.

YOU ARE HEREBY FOUND GUILTY AND YOU ARE SENTENCED TO BE TAKEN FROM THIS COURT AND SET FREE, COLLECT YOUR COMPENSATION FROM THE OFFICE ON THE WAY OUT. And let this be a lesson to you.

This would definitely speed up court cases and who knows, it might mean that the lawyers have to go out and get proper jobs, It might even stop the world laughing at our once admired judicial system.

When a person assists in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an Accomplice.
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal is arrested, we call him a Defence Lawyer.

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: What is wrong with a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

To avoid confusion, the term “Life Imprisonment” should now be taken to mean
For The Average Life Expectancy Of The Adult Odonate. Weary

Make crime pay.
Become a Lawyer Will Rogers

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Space photography
The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling a fund for his funeral. . "Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea;
go and bury twenty more of them."